A hiring manager responded at 11:16 PM.
Gave out his personal cell number and asked Marcus to text him directly. Here's the message Marcus sent:
Jordan - there was a Director role in operations leadership that caught my eye. I wanted to get connected as I consider my next move.
I scaled a healthcare services organization from the ground up into a $50M platform with 75 providers across 22 locations.
- Marcus
That's it. No resume. No "I'm passionate about operations." No three paragraphs asking for 15 minutes.
Jordan's response said something worth paying attention to: "Your background is slightly unconventional for a role like this - which I value."
He wasn't being polite. He was telling Marcus exactly why he responded. The message made him curious. And curious hiring managers don't ghost you!
Here's what most people send instead:
"Hi Jordan, I came across the Director role and wanted to reach out. I have extensive experience in healthcare operations and believe my background could be a strong fit. I'd love to connect and learn more about the opportunity. If you have 10-15 minutes in the next week I’d love to chat."
Nothing wrong with it but nothing right with it either. It reads like everyone else. It asks the reader to do the work, to connect dots you didn't connect for them.
Marcus connected the dot in one sentence. $50M. 75 providers. 22 locations.
That's not a resume line, that's an accomplishment.
Here's the structure:
[First name] - [specific role] at [company] caught my eye. I wanted to get connected as I consider my next move.
[One sentence. Your biggest result, in numbers.]
- [Your name]
A few things worth calling out before you hit send.
Spacing matters. Look at Marcus's message, three lines and a signature. Every line earns its place. If your message looks like a block of text in the preview, it's not getting read. One idea per line, short paragraphs, white space is not wasted space.
Name the role specifically. Not "an opportunity I saw." The exact role. It signals you're not copy-pasting this to 40 strangers…even if the structure is similar.
Lead with the number, not the title. Your title tells them what you were called. Your number tells them what you did. Jordan didn't respond because Marcus ran a healthcare organization. He responded because Marcus built something.
What's your number?
If you don't know the answer to that question, that's the work to do before you send a single message.
One question for your career this week:
Are you selling the hiring team the experience they want?
Before you leave…
If you're negotiating an offer right now, don't forget to look back on the people that got you this far. You know all those folks you spent time speaking with? The “conversations > applications” mantra? Yeah… now is the time to lean on them and run the role + comp package by them!
You took on this strategy for a reason, turn back to the people that care about you as this search comes to a close. If you want people rooting for you at the end of your search, let's chat here.
This week's newsletter is a call out to Belay, if you need someone to support your financials while you’re out serving people… don’t miss on these folks! 🤝
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